The straight-up and simplest facts about St. Patrick’s Day are:
St. Patrick’s Day is an annual feast day celebrating the patron saint the day is named after. St. Patrick’s Day is the national holiday of Ireland and is usually celebrated on March 17. St. Patrick’s Day has become a popular holiday in the United States. People wear green and eat corned beef and cabbage.
For a more in depth look at the day and the reason’s for celebrating it follow this link. St. Patrick’s Day
I post these things every year and then watch as every year the day becomes more of a circus and just another reason to get drunk.
Thus I am disgusted with people and that ruins my day. So I decided to let jokes and cartoons be my celebration. And just FYI – I never did like green beer. It’s an offense to good beer and to the eyeballs. Just my grumpy opinion.
“Is that the Ballycashel Echo?” asks Mick.
“How much would it be to put an ad in your paper?”
“Five pounds an inch,” a woman replies. “Why? What are you selling?”
“A ten-foot ladder,” said Mick before slamming the phone down
A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Father O’Grady after mass.
He says: “So what’s bothering you?”
She replies: “Oh, Father, I’ve terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”
The priest says: “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Did he have any last requests?”
“Certainly father,” she replied. “He said: “Please Mary, put down that damn gun.”
An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.
He says: “Have you been drinking?”
“Just water,” says the priest.
The cop replies: “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says: “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
Dr O’Mahony tells his patient: “I have bad news and worse news, John.”
“Oh dear,” John replies. “What’s the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies: “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That’s terrible,” says the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
Dr O’Mahony replies: “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.
“Lord,” he prayed. “I can’t stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I’ll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday.”
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: “Never mind, I found one!”
Paudie goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one Guinness.
The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness.
When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone.
The barman says: “Wow! You sure drank those fast.”
Paudie explains: “You would drink fast too if you had what I have.”
The barman asks: “What do you have?”
The guy reaches into his pocket and says: “Fifty cents!”
Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says: “Are you on foot or in the car?”
Billy replies: “In the car.” “Well that’s the quickest way,” says Paddy
Gerry Connors walked his dog through the village every day.
One day Mr Connors is on his walk without the dog.
His pal Billy sees him and asks: “Where is your dog?” Mr Murphy answers: “I had to have him put down.” “Was he mad,” asks Billy.
“He wasn’t too pleased,” Mr Murphy replies.
Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy has a bag of doughnuts in his hand.
Paddy says to Mick: “If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both.”
Seamus opens the newspaper and is shocked to see his OWN obituary.
In a panic, he phones his friend and asks: “Did you see the paper?! “They say I died!”
The friend replies: “Yes, I saw it! So, where ya calling from?”
And on that note: